Truth be told, I don't like being asked, “What do you do?” because it's mostly just out of curiosity. I don't want to answer that, but I find myself in this dilemma all the time. And you're forced to spit out whatever nonsense you come up with. I always utter out of nowhere, I hate this endless loop.
I'm sick of having to explain everything to everyone. Every day, keeping my distance from everyone feels more and more comforting and safe to me. Being alone was strange at first, but it gradually enlightened me.
People judge you based on what you do, as if it defines your entire life. And when you are not working or doing anything, you are either having the time of your life or wasting it. But, in reality, there is more to life than meets the eye. However, as we all know, the world does not run smoothly, and people believe what they believe to be correct.
I'm sick of having to explain everything to everyone. Every day, keeping my distance from everyone feels more and more comforting and safe to me. Being alone was strange at first, but it gradually enlightened me.
MAMA
Mama, for sure, was the very first word I said
Mama, saying it, is always a lingering sound
Mama, seeing you keeps me sane
Mama, being with you washes my pain
Mama, you are my core
Mama, with you, nothing can be torn
Mama, you are beyond words and worlds
Mama, you are a haven of love, you are my love
with love,
ET
This hole in my chest appears to be unfixable. This hollow within me continues to sting, and I am pained to admit that it truly hurts me to bits. I desperately want to return to my purest heart, the one that was beating normally. But each step I take brings me closer to more pain.
But please know that I am trying, as I always do. But each time, it becomes more difficult. I'm losing my way; I'm losing it, and I'm losing myself repeatedly. And questions keep popping into my head as the nights grow darker and deeper.Will I ever get out of this trance? Will I ever be able to see my shadow? Will I finally be able to see who I want to be? Will I ever be happy? I just want to be moved and move closer to whom I truly needed to be. I just never want to have to question myself. To return to the origins of my existence, to embrace my entire being.
xx
ET