Yearning for My Youth
ET
Life is a Revelation
We're always looking for something else, anywhere.
However, life is and will always be a revelation.
That was my life's most profound realization.
Who would have guessed I'd go through phases? I would never have guessed it for the life of me. That I would get to know myself better than before. That these fleeting feelings will creep in at this hour. I would never have considered writing these before, and I am now discovering the beauty of writing. Every little thing that has happened has been a revelation. Perhaps life is full of revelations right before our eyes.
xx
ET
When I was younger, I thought life was predictable. Just as I thought, I knew everything about myself. But that is not the case. The reality of life hit me. I had been in this strange situation that I had never been in before for years. It feels like I'm going insane at first because I've always been this miss sunshine I knew and others knew. But I was going through rough roads. At first, I can't really explain how it feels, what emotions I'm experiencing; I can't seem to find the words for it. It is this unknown and intense level of various emotions all at once.
It becomes more difficult to deal with day by day, month by month, and even year by year. Because I thought I had defined it before, but I guess not. I thought I'd get it, but I didn't. I thought I had dealt with it, but I hadn't. That's how it goes. It caught me up in this never-ending cycle. I've tried everything to get out of it, but I just can't. It just feels like a battle I'll never win.
But, as they say, your burden will be your greatest blessing. Through all of my breakdowns and barely breathing times, I've delved into the depths of myself. It was such an awakening that I barely know myself. Maybe these feelings were so unfamiliar to me because I was so foreign to myself. I did not know there was so much to discover and deal with within myself. It preoccupied me with everything but myself. It must have accumulated to where it could no longer bear it. My soul needs me to work for it.
I am still lost in this lifetime as I write this. I'm still not sure what's in it for me. Likewise, I'm still worried, and I don't think I've found whatever I am longing for. I am still and will always be, a work in progress. I suppose that's how life is; it happens, life happens. But I let it be, allowing these emotions to get through me. These things remind me I am a human being, that I am breathing, and that I am still here. That is all that matters; I am alive and surviving, and perhaps that is what it has always meant. To go through it all in order to discover my true self, my deepest being.
Creative Core
It's an addiction that I can't break; it's a never-ending cycle of progress and relapse.
What keeps me up is when my creative juices are flowing.
Your own art form is your own release mechanism.
It is something to always choose and return to, even if you have lost interest in it.
It takes a conscious effort for me to keep choosing my creativity and
allowing it to flow in the face of uncertainty.
xx
ET
I'm returning to my core self and
but once you have internalized its meaning, it also disappears.
xx
ET
Beyond Beauty and Identity
You do not ought to tell them who you are.
What they perceive of you isn't what you see yourself.
You are the one who knows what you believe, beyond the identity they see.
Your layers are based on what you need to protect what is underneath.
Don't be confused or be swayed by voices that do not truly matter.
Your inner voices are your redirection to clear the noises.
Nobody can put words on what's truly inside of you.
You are built beyond beauty. You are you.
xx
ET
Trust Your Transformation
This is a reminder to continue to be gentle with yourself.
But that doesn't mean you have to pretend when you're not feeling well.
It is okay to feel both good and bad emotions.
Positive and negative energies coexist to remind you
of the person you are becoming.
It is also okay to feel as if you are afloat.
These things take time to fully penetrate you,
your understanding, and your being.
And it's completely normal;
it's all part of your transition to your truest self.
xx
ET
BLOSSOMED INTO THE PASSION OF PENETRATING HER BECOMING AND MORE PROFOUND BEING
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