I Owe It To Myself
I don't regret taking time-offs just to be with myself. Because only then did I get to know myself better than I ever had before. To make your own decisions, to choose yourself over and over, is never easy. But it would always be the best decision I've ever made to choose myself above anything else.
There will always be what-ifs within every kind of decision. Only after you have dealt with and fully accepted the trials of turning things around can it completely immerse you in your choice.
I believe I owe no one an explanation for how my life unfolds. I'll always prefer the simplicity of my solitary to pretending to be okay in things or environments that slowly kill me on the inside. I only owe it to myself, the decision, the explanation, and the time I truly deserve.
MAMA
Mama, for sure, was the very first word I said
Mama, saying it, is always a lingering sound
Mama, seeing you keeps me sane
Mama, being with you washes my pain
Mama, you are my core
Mama, with you, nothing can be torn
Mama, you are beyond words and worlds
Mama, you are a haven of love, you are my love
with love,
ET
I Am Trying
This hole in my chest appears to be unfixable. This hollow within me continues to sting, and I am pained to admit that it truly hurts me to bits. I desperately want to return to my purest heart, the one that was beating normally. But each step I take brings me closer to more pain.
But please know that I am trying, as I always do. But each time, it becomes more difficult. I'm losing my way; I'm losing it, and I'm losing myself repeatedly. And questions keep popping into my head as the nights grow darker and deeper.
Will I ever get out of this trance? Will I ever be able to see my shadow? Will I finally be able to see who I want to be? Will I ever be happy? I just want to be moved and move closer to whom I truly needed to be. I just never want to have to question myself. To return to the origins of my existence, to embrace my entire being.
xx
ET
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