Chaotic Calmness 

As the title implies, that's how I've found how my life works for me. Life works differently for everyone, and I try to find calmness in my chaotic world. And by that, I don't mean I've got all the answers and have figured out how to navigate through every motion or every moment. I just embrace my differences and flaws.

My calmness doesn't always have to be as smooth and comforting as I had hoped it would be. It doesn't have to be a perfect pattern, and it is something I process every day. I accept both good and bad days. And I try to cope and hone myself to heal.

I live day by day, trying my best as I figure things out along the way. Recognizing my reality allows me to value my life and who I am; understanding that I cannot have control over everything helps me be more accepting and forgiving towards myself. To remind myself to always be kinder to myself.

"The only order in the universe is a cycle of calm and chaos."

xx
ET

Honing and Healing

Accepting and loving yourself wholly is a continuous process that will continue throughout your life. It's a love-hate connection that lasts your entire life. An ongoing journey to connect with and care for oneself. Because you will not always behold yourself and feel good about yourself. And every day is a challenge to survive all the things that coexist in your environment and in your life.

You are going through different times and phases with each passing day. As a result, you are always navigating your life and strengthening as time passes. And embracing oneself isn't as simple as it appears; of course, you'll miss the old you, which is difficult to let go of. But, in some ways, you learn to move on and live for the person you are now.

xx
ET

Consolation of Isolation

Through the unveiling of past traumas, we'll realize that not all wounds can be reconciled. We cannot make amends for all that happened in the past that caused us pain. Certain events must be endured, while others allow for closure.

As you journey through life, you cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. You become adaptable and be resilient by navigating through the twists and turns of your own unique path.

xx

ET

My Inner Voice Has Spoken

You define your identity and individuality.

Each one of us possesses a distinct identity of our own. Often, we may falsely assume that we need to share the same traits and characteristics with the society. However, our individuality sets us apart from others.

You are your own companion.

It is essential to nurture a strong relationship with oneself. And people may not consistently go out of their way to you. One can always rely on their own company. Strengthening your relationship with yourself is key to accepting yourself and embracing all of who you are. You are your own most trusted confidant and ally.

Your journey is special.

Each individual's journey is unique, and there is no such thing as the universal path to follow. What resonates with one person may not resonate with another. Therefore, we shall trust and embrace our own ways rather than trying to conform to someone else's journey.

The heart wants what it wants.

Truly, as they say, your heart yearns for what it wants, and only you can understand what your passions and desires are and what is best for you.

Life happens.

Life is a beautiful journey that unfolds as we unravel ourselves. It is full of unexpected twists and turns that sometimes feel beyond our control. However, we shall embrace these moments and live in the present. By doing so, we discover the true purpose of our lives.

"Above all else, guard your heart,

for everything you do flows from it."

xx
ET

You are changing

The passage of time will bring unexpected changes, which used to cause me great distress. Losing familiarity and connection with people and things that were once important to me would leave me longing for what was lost. However, I realize the importance of living in the present and not dwelling on the past. 

We are in a perpetual state of growth and self-discovery, constantly evolving into our truest selves. So we shall embrace the endless possibilities to elevate ourselves towards our better versions. Thus, life's phases and motions are parts of our very own journey.

With every transition that occurs in my life, I need to transform myself and reinvent myself each time in order to cope and move forward. I always try to be aware of and accept all these moving moments. And I know that I'm still here to grow and change; this is what I need to do to be who I need to be.

xx
ET

Your Ways, not theirs

Healing and strengthening your relationship with yourself involves confusion and questioning. It just reveals the profound depth of your exploration.

I have experienced a constant sense of weakness because of my qualities and preferences. I felt that my inability to conform to societal norms meant that there was something wrong with me, leading me to doubt my worth and identity.

But I have realized that our individual identities and perspectives differ from one another. We each have distinct ways of identifying ourselves, our matter, and our experiences. Therefore, we must embrace our individuality and our own ways of dealing with what we are going through and who we are becoming.

xx
ET

“Not everything is for everyone”, that opened up my eyes. As cruel as that sounds, it is unfortunately the reality. Once, we were naive about the world and believed we could control life to be whatever we desired. But little did we know there was so much more beneath and beyond.

You can plan and build the life you think you want and need. But life has a way of tuning and turning things around in ways you never expected. You can take your preferred route, but you'll be on the other side because that's where you're led to be and where you'll discover your deepest and truest being.

Sure, we are the ones in charge of our lives, but every decision we make will cause something, either we hoped for or we never imagine will ever exist. And it's alright to try again, to change your mind and to have a change of heart. It's fine to be different, to feel indifferent to yourself and your surroundings. It's totally okay to get lost in your own blueprint.

We'll find a way out somewhere. We'll all be found, somehow.

xx
ET

I Owe It To Myself

I don't regret taking time-offs just to be with myself. Because only then did I get to know myself better than I ever had before. To make your own decisions, to choose yourself over and over, is never easy. But it would always be the best decision I've ever made to choose myself above anything else.

There will always be what-ifs within every kind of decision. Only after you have dealt with and fully accepted the trials of turning things around can it completely immerse you in your choice.

I believe I owe no one an explanation for how my life unfolds. I'll always prefer the simplicity of my solitary to pretending to be okay in things or environments that slowly kill me on the inside. I only owe it to myself, the decision, the explanation, and the time I truly deserve.

xx
ET

I Am Trying

This hole in my chest appears to be unfixable. This hollow within me continues to sting, and I am pained to admit that it truly hurts me to bits. I desperately want to return to my purest heart, the one that was beating normally. But each step I take brings me closer to more pain. 

Life is a Revelation 

 We're always looking for something else, anywhere.
However, life is and will always be a revelation.
That was my life's most profound realization.

Who would have guessed I'd go through phases? I would never have guessed it for the life of me. That I would get to know myself better than before. That these fleeting feelings will creep in at this hour. I would never have considered writing these before, and I am now discovering the beauty of writing. Every little thing that has happened has been a revelation. Perhaps life is full of revelations right before our eyes.

xx
ET

 Lost but Living

When I was younger, I thought life was predictable. Just as I thought, I knew everything about myself. But that is not the case. The reality of life hit me. I had been in this strange situation that I had never been in before for years. It feels like I'm going insane at first because I've always been this miss sunshine I knew and others knew. But I was going through rough roads. At first, I can't really explain how it feels, what emotions I'm experiencing; I can't seem to find the words for it. It is this unknown and intense level of various emotions all at once.

It becomes more difficult to deal with day by day, month by month, and even year by year. Because I thought I had defined it before, but I guess not. I thought I'd get it, but I didn't. I thought I had dealt with it, but I hadn't. That's how it goes. It caught me up in this never-ending cycle. I've tried everything to get out of it, but I just can't. It just feels like a battle I'll never win.

But, as they say, your burden will be your greatest blessing. Through all of my breakdowns and barely breathing times, I've delved into the depths of myself. It was such an awakening that I barely know myself. Maybe these feelings were so unfamiliar to me because I was so foreign to myself. I did not know there was so much to discover and deal with within myself. It preoccupied me with everything but myself. It must have accumulated to where it could no longer bear it. My soul needs me to work for it.

I am still lost in this lifetime as I write this. I'm still not sure what's in it for me. Likewise, I'm still worried, and I don't think I've found whatever I am longing for. I am still and will always be, a work in progress. I suppose that's how life is; it happens, life happens. But I let it be, allowing these emotions to get through me. These things remind me I am a human being, that I am breathing, and that I am still here. That is all that matters; I am alive and surviving, and perhaps that is what it has always meant. To go through it all in order to discover my true self, my deepest being.

xx
ET

Beyond Beauty and Identity

You do not ought to tell them who you are.
What they perceive of you isn't what you see yourself.
You are the one who knows what you believe, beyond the identity they see. 

Your layers are based on what you need to protect what is underneath.
Don't be confused or be swayed by voices that do not truly matter. 

Your inner voices are your redirection to clear the noises.
Nobody can put words on what's truly inside of you.
You are built beyond beauty. You are you.

xx
ET